Decisions

Haven't received the letter. Still waiting. I've called her six times in two days, and left 1 message. But, although she gave me her cell phone number, I still have only called her work phone. I may call her cell phone though, since now that I know there's SOMETHING out there, I want to know what it is. Even if it's "there's nothing to tell." At least I will know I have done all I know to do.

I'm washing the gray outta my hair - I'm going to do a temporary wash, first. This weekend, I think. (Cowboy doesn't know yet - he'll either find out this way, or when I walk out of the bathroom with brown/auburn hair). Here's why: when I look at pictures of myself, I feel old. I'm too pretty to look 50-ish. I have too much energy to let my hair belie who I am. At 50, I may go back. At least now I know where it's at, and what it will look like.

Cowboy could care less. He loves me and thinks I'm beautiful, regardless. I DO care. There is an age difference between us, and my hair makes it more of an issue. To me. Not to him. Seriously - he met me with gray, and thought me attractive. This is all about me. Last night, THREE girl friends pointed out MY own comments to me - about my hair and my concerns about how it made me feel when I spoke about when I saw myself. And one said, "You shouldn't spend time worrying about what you CAN take care of. Life's too short, and that energy could be spent focusing on the Lord." And that reminded me of my friend Mike, who said to me (YEARS ago) "Don't complain about what you can change." And, although I'm not complaining,(REALLY), it bothers me.


So, Clairol... here I come. Please be kind.