Josh

A little over a week ago a very precious boy died. He and this other boy, Colby, were the closest thing to how I think I may love a son of my own. I had the privilege of having this little boy in class for two years. He was in my Evangelism class. He died in a canoe accidcent on a river last Friday. He was 19. I know he's fine - but that doesn't erase the pain. Again, I think of that CS Lewis quote: " The pain now is part of the joy then."

It seems that everyone has spoken of his ever present smile - his laughter, his joy, his big big heart. How true. Yet, his big, big heart had it's share of hurt, too. I remember clearly when he found out that his father had an affair ... and was leaving his mother. He was so terribly hurt.

I remember when he shared the pain of unrequited love with me - a boy who loved so deeply - the object of his love too engrossed in her own world to see the hope and future of his. They were so young - perhaps, in the future...

I also remember Josh drawing pictures on school paper and leaving them on my office door. Or bringing my wildflowers he picked in the field on the way over to visit, his all encompassing hugs. His "I LOVE you Miss Sharp" s, his first forsya into "leading" Praise and Worship in our class -

There are no "good" answers - I do know this: he lived more life in his life than many many people who are three times his age. And THAT is no exaggerration. I have NEVER been one to think of a person who has died and wonder if they can speak to us, etc. As a matter of fact, I have always thought that was a bit "odd and foolish and misguided." However, on more than one occassion recently, as I have been thinking about painful things in my current "life space" and thought of Josh and even found myself thinking, "Josh, what do you think?" And I see his smile and hear him say, "It will all work out, Miss Sharp. Don't worry." Not that he has taken the place of Jesus in my life, but for some reason I have found it easier to identify with him, as of late. I'm sure it sounds off the mark - don't worry, I'm not starting my own cult. I just miss him.

The Working Girl

Ahhh... working at Sheehan again today. Accompanied/taught at the Middle School yesterday. So, there's this really STUPID boy in the 8th grade at Centennial Middle School, and I'm not being unkind when I say that.

I'm warming them up, I have already taught them for an entire week and have been going in once a week for the past three weeks - they know who I am, they know where I've taught, blah, blah, blah. HOWEVER - some of the "children" don't like me ( and I lose SO much sleep over this) because I am strict. So, this boy, Matthew, is writing a note while we're warming up. The TRUE Teacher Sohailah takes the note - the pathetically KIND Sohailah says, 'Put that away" ( I know, I'm still in shock that I even gave him that option). But DOES he? NO! Which is why I can call him stupid with a clear conscience. So, I say, 5 minutes later, "Give that to me." He quickly tries to scribble it out - I look at him and say,''I'm sure that will work," and take the note. The girls are looking at me like,"He's pathetic" And the boys are looking at me in sheer panic. The note says, " This is so gay. I like it better when Ms. Rife (no discipline, waiting to retire teacher) is in charge. She's not even a REAL Choir teacher." (oh - that's the part that was scratched out) ha ha ha ha ha ...

Now folks, that hurt....

And then I was talking to a few of the Sixth grade boys and they had REALLY nice voices, but this school is historic for not retaining any boys in Choir. So, I was trying to encourage them to stay in until High School, and I actually resorted to the most pathetic comment I could think of. I said, ( I KNOW - it's so sad) " The best reason to be in Choir is becaus eit's where all teh pretty girls are." And THEY replied, with GREAT enthusiasm, "EXACTLY! That's why we're here!"

Life in these United State

True conversation heard at Sheehan Pipeline:

Linda (our unemployment/union lady): “well, he needs to take his proof of residency and status down to the Social Security office. Yes, birth certificate, whatever he has.”
Other person: blah blah blah
Linda: “Yes, he can just have it sent up from New Mexico.”
Other person: blah blah blah
Linda: “No, New Mexico is part of the United States, so it shouldn’t be a problem”