Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Ten Days

Are you kidding me?!?! Already??!

I am excited. Although, to be honest, also a little afraid. I know the whole adventure is God's plan - it's been amazing to walk through from beginning to where I am today. I marvel at His goodness and faithfulness and kindness and grace and compassion and love.

But, I would be an idiot if I didn't acknowledge my fear of all of the transitions. All at once.

So, starting this Friday the fun begins. And from that point on, I will never be alone again. I had roommates, of course, through college and beyond. However, the last 11 years I have lived alone. And, while it may be lonely at times, there is a certain peace in the solitude. Of course this does NOT mean that I don't want to marry Steve - not one bit. It's just going to be a rather large transition.

I'm selling my house and moving. I've thought about selling my house, off and on, over the past five years. First, because I wanted to be closer to my friend base - since they rarely come "All the way out to Broken Arrow" to visit and my church and my work are all 20-30 minutes away. But, I've grown increasingly fond of it over the years. So, to sell it, especially in this economy, is a bit sad for me. And I AM moving - but farther away from my friend base. And to a NEW job. Which is going to be good and more consistent, with the freedom to still do a few tours, and summers off, etc. But... it means we get back from our Honeymoon Sunday night, spend the night in Tulsa, drive to OKC Monday, and then on Wednesday, begin my new job. With people I don't know, in a school I don't know, and really, they won't know my story, so it's not like they will care to hear it... which is fin... just another transition.

And then there's the whole being a wife and a bonus-mom. (I hate the term step-mom, and I really am an awesome bonus for any kid, aren't I?!) What if I'm a terrible wife? What if I don't feel like cooking dinner every night? What if I just want to read some evenings? What if I don't feel like talking? Sigh....

And leaving my church family. Particularly my Sunday School family. They have been Romans 12:15 for me over the past five years - mourning and rejoicing. And now, as soon as the celebration is over, I'm gone. How will we find a church that we both love that we can serve and serves us?

Again... this is not a complaining/I'm afraid? I don't want to get married/poor me post. It's just a realistic look at all of the transitions looming...

But I can't WAIT to see Martha and my parents and Karen and Micheline (hopefully) and Corinne and Lydia and the Whites and my aunts and uncles and cousins and brother and nephews. It WILL be a grand fiesta!


  1. Sohailah, I appreciate your transparency. It is refreshing in a world polluted with "plastic". Just an encouragement; Jesus understands transitions and will speak to you, guide you and give you the grace and strength to navigate through the changes. My biggest encouragement is to be HONEST and OPEN with your family. They will be going through transition too. When we first 'got' our foster kids from Afghanistan we had weekly 'family meetings' to discuss how everyone was doing. It was profitable to in taking the pulse and seeing where we were being successful individually and corporately. It was kind of hard to start those meetings, but they were beneficial. Maybe something to think about. It will be difficult at times, but the benefits will far outweigh the challenges. Humility, being known and getting to know others is paramount during vulnerable times; contrary to what the 'enemy of your soul' says. I'm excited for you and pray God will uphold you and strengthen you with His righteous right hand. Just look at it as a wonderful opportunity to grow in grace, receiving and extending.

  2. Don't think for a minute that these feelings are unrealistic. I think anyone going into a marriage thinking it's all gong to be a fairytale is in for trouble. I think it's great that you are facing the changes and knowing you will be leaning on the Lord more than ever.

    I have no doubt that you are in for the ride of your life. Marriage is an amazing life! I LOVE it! and hey, it's been 32 years for me) You know I have the best guy ever ;-) Marriage is also work and learning to lay yourself down, but the good part is that you are willing because of love, loving someone so much.

    So excited to see where God is taking you and what dreams He is turning into your real life.

    You aren't walking this new road alone. You know the Lord is right there with you.

    Oh, and as for the new people not caring to know your story, you are wrong. I love meeting new people at my work and learning who they are and what makes them the person they are. God knows your need there as well :D

    Blessings Sohailah. BLESSINGS!

  3. First things first-- I am so FREAKING EXCITED FOR YOU! (Hence, the all caps emotion. Did you feel it? I"m so stoked for you!) It is awesome to see the desires of your heart being fulfilled, and your faithfulness to the Father through your years of waiting for THE man!

    I cannot wait to hear all about your wedding and see pictures! I will be praying for you that you will find people or at least one person at your new job who wants to hear your story. I know how important that is and how difficult it is to find. That person has to be there... I mean, finding a job in this economy has to be a God-thing right? So no doubt there's a friend there waiting to be had by you.

    And as for dinner every night... I'm certain that's an old wives' tale that was made up years ago to make women feel inferior. :) You'll figure it out, just make sure to leave room for grace when you don't feel like you measure up to what you "should" be doing.

    Can't wait to hear about this new phase of your journey. Love you so much friend!!!! ;)

  4. You are going to shine in your new life, even though the transition is challenging and scary.

    I kind of think that it can be more exciting and fun making new friends who don't already have a history and already know all of our quirks and... junk, than to only have the old friends, who know more than they sometimes care to. They don't really want to hear our story AGAIN either! So now you'll have a whole new set of people to WOW. ;-)

    Who makes dinner every single night anyway?? Tip for the new bride--teach the groom how to love good food and how to cook good food. He may surpass you one day like mine has.

  5. No advice, just a great big (((hug))) from me. :-D

    P.S. I thought of you when my family and I ate at Macaroni Grill at Ala Moana. I'm so happy I had a chance to meet you in person.

  6. I was quite disoriented when I moved away from my house, town, and friends to get married. And, I'll admit, I was a little grouchy with my new husband. During the first month, there were a few times when I asked myself, "What have I done?" He probably asked himself the same thing. LOL

    You'll be fine. I'm writing this well after you posted it, so I'm sure your feelings have changed 10 times since you wrote this!

    As for cooking...I hate it. And I don't have a hot meal on the table every night. Nothing wrong with leftovers, sandwiches, and take-out. :)

    Make your own rules. Trying to be somebody that you're not won't last long. But it's okay...we all did it when we first got married. LOL

    Seriously, I am SO happy for you and wish you SO much love, joy, and peace.

    Keep blogging!